The Cubs Will Spend $300 Million Next Year

And they will do it by making deals like this:

The Chicago Cubs and backup catcher Henry Blanco agreed to a $5.25 million, two-year contract Wednesday with an option for 2009.

That's $2.37 million a year for Henry Blanco. With an option. Career numbers:

.225/.290/.367, 49 HR, 225 RBI in 666 games, 1955 AB.

Apparently Michael Barrett's injury and subsequent inability to father children were the result of a deal White struck with The Devil.

I like Blanco. I think he's an excellent...defensive substitution and can deal with him going 0.9 for 4 every game with his trademark 0.33723 walks per game (that's one every three weeks!). But Z Machine is good enough to deal with Barrett now, and Rich Hill can speak English. Come to think of it, Michael Barrett can speak Spanish. And while this doesn't change the fact that Blanco is a defensive upgrade over Barrett, how does that justify a salary almost twice as high as he's ever been paid? Barrett only makes $4.33 million. Blanco will not put up anything close to what Barrett will. This is insane.

Kerry Wood--and I know he should be playing for free, but bear with me--will only be making $1.75 million next year.

By the way, Barrett's in Hawaii. Yay!

If Hendry doesn't get Lee, Soriano, or Zito, expect the Cubs to overpay for the following (overpayment defined as a deal of >0 years at $>0 million, and in most cases any deal at all):

Steve Finley (He's still got a little woof in him, and look at all those triples!)
Shawn Estes (He's a lefty, we can't go wrong!)
Latroy Hawkins (We have Wood and Dempster ahead of him; he'll never have to close!)
Dan Kolb (If we sign him, Milwaukee won't get him.)
Vicente Padilla (Any player with a nickname is worth a shot.)

Pray to evolution I am wrong.