So Good It Needed Its Own Post

From Baseball Reference's BR Bullpen page on Mark Prior:

Was a background dancer in the Mariah Carey video "Glitter"

Either this can't possibly be true, or things are starting to make sense.

Considering the fact that there is no video or song by the name of Glitter by Mariah Carey, I'd have to assume this is the work of a maligned Cubs fan, possibly A-Train.

IMDB.com tells us that, as far as film experience goes, Mark Prior has starred only in the 2003 MLB All-Star Game, as a pitcher for the National League, though he made an appearance in the ESPN SportsCentury profile of Sammy Sosa, playing the role of starting pitcher. Oddly, it also tells us that Mark Prior "has a half-sister named Gada Qafisheh."

Thanks, internet!

ESPN's Opening Day Analysis Has Gotten To Aramis Ramirez

Here is Aramis Ramirez, on last season:

"Last year, if I had a good April and May, I would have hit 100 home runs."

I love the first week of the season, when the baseball world is convinced that Tuffy Rhodes will hit 486 homers, that Mark Prior won't miss his first start, and that the Cubs will score 15 runs every game.

In other news, Cliff Floyd wants to come home to be a Chicago Cub. And why not? Hendry has paid worse guys to not play (Floyd adopted his sister's children after she died of cancer last year), and if a guy is going to be injured--he will--he ought to be close to home.

An Article Resembling a Lobster Tail...but without its shell.

Title of Buster Olney's Blog Entry Today: Is the NL Making a Comeback?

Only two free agents have changed leagues so far this offseason, both leaving Detroit for the NL Central (Carlos Lee to Houston, Mark DeRosa to the Cubs.)

The post is about building up competitive advantage by spending money, but if the AL were significantly more talented in a market in which there is a finite amount of talent, the NL would need to lure some free agents away from the American League.

Best AL free agents (*-signed):

Carlos Lee*
Gary Matthews Jr.*
Frank Thomas*
Mike Mussina*
Barry Zito
Gilgamesh
Trot Nixon
Jay Payton
Shannon Stewart
Rondell White
Adam Eaton
Ted Lilly

Now, for the NL:

Aramis Ramirez*
Alfonso Soriano*
Aubrey Huff
Jason Schmidt
Orlando Hernandez*
Moises Alou*
Jim Edmonds*
Nomar Garciaparra*
Juan Pierre*
J.D. Drew
Woody Williams*
Jeff Bagwell
Ronnie Belliard
Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Andy Pettitte
Cliff Floyd
Tom Glavine
Luis Gonzalez
Julio Lugo
Kenny Lofton
Greg Maddux
Mark Mulder
Mike Piazza

Okay. It is clear which league has more holes to fill this year. The vacuum left on the average 2007 National League team due to free agency is forcing them to consider signing big free agents. The Cubs spent on Ramirez because they needed to, and on Soriano because they were 30 games under last year. But the Dodgers, for example, are losing big names this year (Maddux, Lugo, Drew, Garciaparra before they signed him, Lofton) and have no choice but to spend, not because they are trying to compete with the American League, but because they won't be able to compete at all with holes in their lineup.

To be fair, Buster does mention that the talent hasn't switched leagues. But the title really ought to reflect...I don't know, the theme and tone of your article; for example, Keith Law's article on Juan Pierre receiving a $45 million contract from the Dodgers, entitled "Huh?"

Aramis Ramirez Is Happy.

But he's still slow and a gimp, I'd assume.

ESPN wrote an article on Ramirez's excitement regarding the signing of Alfonso Soriano. First of all, I really hate the recent trend in newsmedia to keep names off of articles. If some intern wrote the story, put his name on it. ESPN interns, I'd assume, get the short end of the stick for all of the research and leg-work required of borderline-professional journalists. They deserve some credit. Especially when they spend time off of work at Boston Market getting Harold Reynolds fired. I can't believe that every one of those "Report: T.O. Sees Shadow, Comes Out; Long, Gay Winter Ahead" articles is committee written. And if Rob Neyer is writing them, they're probably about how the National League and Albert Pujols suck, and we at THS will find a way to make fun of it.

But more importantly, here is the fourth paragraph of the article:

Ramirez's contract contains a full no-trade clause for the first four years and a limited one for 2011. He can opt out after the 2010 season, and the deal contains a mutual option for 2012.

He can opt out? Again?

Maybe Hendry was so wrapped up in re-signing Aramis that he forgot why he had to re-sign him in the first place. But it's more likely that Hendry doesn't expect to be around after this season and just gave A-Ram whatever his agent wanted.

I guarantee you when the Cubs suck in three years and they have a choice between letting Ramirez go, eating Soriano's salary, or designating Jason Marquis for assignment, the Cubs will have Neifi playing third.

(I think I speak for all of us here at THS when I say that we will not live to see the day that Jason Marquis wears a Cubs uniform.)

This Bothers Me

Hey Sportswriters!

The Astros are not going to get rid of Morgan Ensberg to put Aubrey Huff at third because Huff is not better than Ensberg. That is all.

Cubs Trade Aardsma

With this move, the Cubs have now, in effect, equalized the trade that sent Latroy Hawkins to the San Francisco Giants in exchange for SP Jerome Williams (who the Athletics picked up for free) and minor-league RP David Aardsma. The Cubs sent Aardsma to the White Sox for reliever Neal Cotts yesterday in a move that makes almost no sense.

Cotts had a terrible year in 2006. His K rate dropped by nearly 1.5 per nine, his hit rate was 5 higher than 2005 at 10.67 (.283 BAA). And even though his walk rate dropped, it dropped to 4.00!

The problem here is that pitchers don't just stop walking guys all of a sudden, unless we're talking reconstructive surgery. In the minors Cotts had a walk rate of nearly five. This is exactly the type of pitcher that David Aardsma is, which really leaves me at a loss for words because this is one of those Esteban Loaiza for Orlando Hernandez trades that may or may not work out but really shouldn't happen. Are both teams really convinced that the change of scenery will help? I don't know.

In reality I'm more pissed that Oakland got Jerome Williams for free. I don't care how high his WHIP was at Iowa (1.69, what the hell?), he starts before Juan Mateo, Ryan Phillipe and nearly every other rookie starter the Cubs sent out last year (excluding Hill, Marshall, and, as a concession to the A-Train, Carlos Marmol), because he is still very young and has shown that he can compete on a major league level. It was a lost season. You let Sean Marshall put up a 5.59 ERA in 24 starts.

When Jerome Williams makes Oakland's rotation coming out of spring training, I will take action, something like in 2002-3 when the Cubs still had Six-Shooter Alfonseca closing games and A-Train and I decided that we ought to stand outside of Wrigley during every home game with "Trade/Release/Kill Alfonseca" signs. We would have done it, too, if Borowski didn't have that ridiculous season.

I might still do it.

The Cubs Will Spend $300 Million Next Year

And they will do it by making deals like this:

The Chicago Cubs and backup catcher Henry Blanco agreed to a $5.25 million, two-year contract Wednesday with an option for 2009.

That's $2.37 million a year for Henry Blanco. With an option. Career numbers:

.225/.290/.367, 49 HR, 225 RBI in 666 games, 1955 AB.

Apparently Michael Barrett's injury and subsequent inability to father children were the result of a deal White struck with The Devil.

I like Blanco. I think he's an excellent...defensive substitution and can deal with him going 0.9 for 4 every game with his trademark 0.33723 walks per game (that's one every three weeks!). But Z Machine is good enough to deal with Barrett now, and Rich Hill can speak English. Come to think of it, Michael Barrett can speak Spanish. And while this doesn't change the fact that Blanco is a defensive upgrade over Barrett, how does that justify a salary almost twice as high as he's ever been paid? Barrett only makes $4.33 million. Blanco will not put up anything close to what Barrett will. This is insane.

Kerry Wood--and I know he should be playing for free, but bear with me--will only be making $1.75 million next year.

By the way, Barrett's in Hawaii. Yay!

If Hendry doesn't get Lee, Soriano, or Zito, expect the Cubs to overpay for the following (overpayment defined as a deal of >0 years at $>0 million, and in most cases any deal at all):

Steve Finley (He's still got a little woof in him, and look at all those triples!)
Shawn Estes (He's a lefty, we can't go wrong!)
Latroy Hawkins (We have Wood and Dempster ahead of him; he'll never have to close!)
Dan Kolb (If we sign him, Milwaukee won't get him.)
Vicente Padilla (Any player with a nickname is worth a shot.)

Pray to evolution I am wrong.

Cubs: Not Looking To Contend.

At least, that's what I have to assume, based on their signing Mark DeRosa to a three year, $13 million deal. But don't worry, Chicago is full of machine politicians, and, as the Cubs' corporate offices are no different, Hendry and McDonough will find a way to sell this one to you.

1) Nothing indicates that he'll even come close to matching his .296/.357/.456, 13 HR, 73 RBI performance in 2006.

2) He's a career benchwarmer who remains in the majors based only on his ability to play like six positions. By comparison, the only former Cub to whom Baseball Reference compares him is journey/utilityman Ramon Martinez. This is important because the two have identical BA/OBP/Power splits if you exclude DeRosa's 2006 season. Mark DeRosa will be earning about the same amount of money next year that Ramon Martinez has made in his career. Twice as much as DeRosa has made in his career (their salaries would be similar if the Cubs hadn't overpaid Martinez for two years).

3) Eric Patterson is only a half season away from the majors. In limited time at Iowa last year, he hit .358/.395/.493. The kid's upside is tremendous: he has speed, hits for extra bases with a little power, and OBPs 70 points above his career BA. And you're paying Mark DeRosa to get in his way. Jim Hendry, bad move.

4) Also DeRosa put up those numbers in Texas after doing nothing in Atlanta for years, and while Wrigley generally favors hitters, DeRosa's performance is far more likely an anomaly that will regress to the norm well before the end of this disaster of a signing. He won't even give the Cubs Grudzielanek's empty .314/.366/.416 that earned him 27th in the 2003 MVP voting (seriously).

This move does say a few things though: that the Cubs have less than no faith in Ronny Cedeno, and that they (correctly) see Ryan Theriot's offensive explosion last year as a weird, freak of nature sort of situation, probably aided by steroids and aliens.

Please trade Izturis, Cedeno, and DeRosa for some minor leaguers. Please.